I was given an opportunity last night.
I sang at the Coram Deo fundraiser, a local non-profit that supports women in recovery from addiction. Thank you to Christine Petit for inviting me. Thank you to Erik Schubert and Christine for taking the lovely photos of the event. And thank you to Derek Monahan for playing guitar that evening. I didn't tell this story last night, out of respect for the event, not to dilute the message, but I will tell it here.
After high school I went to Berklee College of Music for vocal performance. I had wanted to be a singer for as long as I could remember. Once I got there, I began to remember my childhood trauma. Something so traumatic that it changed the course of my life. I became depressed and was unable to finish school.
Fast forward to meeting the man who is now my ex-husband, the man who abused me for 10 years. I tried to join a choir while we were together and because it was something of my very own, something that reminded me of who I always wanted to be, something that gave me joy and made me feel empowered, he ended the first night of choir practice by strangling me saying, "You're never gonna sing again."
My voice was forever changed.
And so I didn't sing anywhere but in the car and the shower. Even after our divorce was over.
Last night I sang in front of 600 people at the Aquaturf. My first time back singing in over 15 years. To me, it didn't matter how I sounded (I'm forever critical of myself). It mattered that I got up there and did it.
In my mind, I could see my ex's face up close to mine as he told me I'd never sing again. Every step I took leading up to that microphone was a silent middle finger. A defiant bit of triumph over the fear that had been planted in my mind so many years ago. Nobody could see this but I knew it. I knew what a big deal it was for me. Just another severed tie, taking back a slice of freedom and holding my head high.
Yes, my voice is different now but it is no less beautiful for all the wear. More importantly, I still have one. I'm still here. Wether speaking up or singing out, I will not be silenced.
As always,
Thanks for reading!
Love, Light & Blessings!
~Sarah Gallardo
sarahspeaksup.org
