Lately people have asked me what is the silver lining after surviving domestic violence. I wish I had better news for them. I wish I could tell them that there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, that you get a parade and a certificate with a magic wand that solves all your problems from that day forward. I wish I could say that everyone comes out unscathed, that all the storms in your life will henceforth be sunshine and lollipops. I can't.
What I can say is that whatever life looks like after leaving,
it's better than what it was. It's better than walking on eggshells every day
with a knot in the pit of your stomach, fearful for your life. It's better than
being convinced that you are worthless and that nobody cares about you. It's
better than believing that you deserve to be treated like an animal or worse.
It's better than being told that what's happening is your fault, that you'll
lose your job and your children. It's better than having all the things you
love and hold dear used against you to try and make you stay. It’s better than
control and manipulation. It's better than beatings. It's better than rape.
So maybe there's not a pot of gold waiting for you at the end of
the rainbow. But I do believe you'll get a jelly doughnut. (You think I’m crazy.
It’s ok. Stay with me.)
At first it's just a pile of dough. What you do with it is your
choice. You can leave it there as it is...but who really wants to eat a pile of
dough? You can fry it, but then you'll just have bread. So choose a flavor of
jelly, any kind you want. Fill up the bread and now we're talkin! And don't
tell me you're going to stop there. No way! You go get that powdered sugar and
you cover it up, roll it all around until you've got the perfect jelly
doughnut. Look at that! YOU did that!
I know you're not really a pile of dough. But in a way, you are. Recovering from abuse is a process. There are steps, layers of healing and growth. You get to choose what your life looks like, moving forward. You get to choose
if you stay stuck believing that you will always be a victim or not. Or you can
choose to go to group counseling, one on one therapy, Church, yoga, self-defense
class, the gym, travel, back to school, learn something new, teach something
new, be creative; write, paint, sing, dance, act, sculpt, draw, create! Maybe even try at love again. You get
to choose. Therein lies your power!
So I'm sorry that I can't promise a pot of gold. I wish I could. (Trust
me, I want one too.) I can only promise you a pile of dough. And don't think I
haven't taken into account those of you who don't like jelly donuts. (If you
fancy yourself a Boston cream, the analogy still works.) That's not really the
point of this, but it's a lot better than the flaming pile of shit that is
abuse. And THAT much I know to be true.
As always, thanks for reading!
Love Light & Blessings
~Sarah Gallardo
sarahspeaksup.org
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